They Fight to Save the Summer from Mediocrity over land, sea and air. Not because you want them to but because they can – and for the most part they delivered.
G.I. Joe is the sneak attack hit for the 2009 summer movie season – staying close to its animation roots as it delivers on the Hollywood formula that it has always followed since 1983. Very clear and defined Good Guys with very clear and defined Bad Guys that go after a MacGuffin – in this case warheads whose properties include a nanotechnology or something or other. Point being that the nanotechnology warheads only serve to move the story along but ultimately doesn’t have any direct effect on the outcome on battle between good and the bad.
For those out of the loop or on the fence about the story of this incarnation of G.I. Joe it goes something like this … A Scotsman by the name of James McCullen (Christopher Eccleston) has created a nanotechnology-based weapon with the capacity to destroy an entire city – almost on command with the help of a remote control that keeps the nano-mites in-check. McCullen’s company MARS (Military Armaments Research Syndicate) sells four warheads to NATO; and a US Army Ops team is tasked with delivery of said warheads.
This is when Duke Hauser (Channing Tatum) and Ripcord (Marlon Wayans) come into play as they are part of the convoy delivering the warheads – up until they get their asses handed to them by a yet to be identified aircraft by a (Cobra) Viper squad led by Baroness (Sienna Miller). During the assault the Baroness is recognized by her ex-fiancé Duke (what are the chances) and identified as Ana Lewis.
Just as the Baroness is about to deliver the coup de grâce on that ass – A crack team from the ‘Global Integrated Joint Operating Entity’ arrive to save the day and show up the bad guys.
The action beats in the show alone are well worth the price of admission – much like the show the movie features a wealth of gadgets and tech-weapons that would make a Double-O agent envious; including a fight suit that renders its user near invisible and the much maligned Delta-6 accelerator suits.
The Delta-6 accelerator suits were probably the hardest sell – mostly because they look so fucking goofy. But how the scene plays out and more-so important is why France – the issue I had with the suits were the furthest on my mind. Short of spoiling as to why part of the G.I. Joe movie looked more like ‘Team America: World Police’ was pretty much justified from the start of the picture. Right away it was the intention of the people involved with this movie that they did not want to give the impression you are about to see your average; by the numbers, re-telling of a Saturday morning cartoon remake brought to the silver screen. In fact it IS your by the numbers re-telling of a Saturday Morning cartoon adventure – it works in the favor of the movie as a lot of the elements presented smack of the mini-series storyline called ‘the M.A.S.S. Device’.
It’s no secret that the G.I. Joe: A Real American Hero Season 1 DVDs were re-released by Sony’s Shout Factory. It just so happens that I picked it up and watched it a couple nights prior to seeing G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra. The rundown on the mini-series is that Destro has developed a laser that can teleport a large mass, like say ‘a building’, and teleport it to somewhere else in the world – as an example of its power one of the first primary targets is the Eifel tower – I KNOW! ~What are the odds indeed.
Even the epic showdown for one of the last major ingredients’ that powers the M.A.S.S. Device is “hard water†which is found in one of the lowest places in the ocean and protected by tube worms .. I am totally not making this up – welcome to the Row 1980s. The moment in this scene were the toyetic shark shaped water vehicles used to fend off the giant tube worms; the same like-type scenario and vehicles … directly referred to as SHARKS (or something) made it into the movie. Even in the M.A.S.S. Device episode there was a snow scene too – where Snake Eyes sacrificed his safety to deliver a key ingredient for the Joes’ M.A.S.S. Device by exposing himself to radioactive (red) smoke and marched his ass across the frozen terrain un-checked by the Cobra operatives who just let him pass. There was a scene like that somewhat but it doesn’t count (much) due to context … but obviously the similarities go a little beyond coincidence.
It’s very clear whoever worked on the story watched at LEAST the first season of G.I. Joe and knew enough to research the characters to an extent to keep some of the dynamics on point. Integrating a more international dynamic is nothing new for G.I. Joe believe it or don’t – it can be best summed up as the “Russian G.I. Joe†counter-parts called the October Guard. The Soviet special operations unit; usually referred to as an equivalent of/to G.I. Joe.
The October Guard is made up of members from Warsaw Pact countries like East Germany, Czech Republic, and Georgia. To say they’re Russian would be somewhat of a misnomer. Unlike G.I. Joe, the team is composed of just a small squad and most members do not sport fancy codenames. These guys were first introduced in the Marvel Comics continuity of G.I. Joe – and did make an appearance in the TV series.
ANYWHO ~before the G.I. Joe trivia parade came to town. I do want to get in that the MVP of the movie for me was Zartan played by Arnold Vosloo. This mother fucker had like maybe 2 minutes worth of screen time but worked that shit like a pimp – with his one-liners, a knife and celebratory whistle to the tune of ‘for he’s a jolly good fellow’. I am very curious to see how his story plays out for and when the G.I. Joe sequel comes to play.
Obviously a big emphasis was put on Snake Eyes – so it’s pretty much a given with Ray Park in the role, he’s going to bring the thunder. And he put on quite a show with Byung-hun Lee as Storm Shadow – in the movie they managed to slip in a bit of the back story that leads to the Snake Eyes vs. Storm Shadow conflict; but it’s a re-telling .. and somewhat vague. As a fan I refuse to believe Storm Shadow was at fault for what went down but there isn’t really anything else to counter the claim that he did; of course you’ll have to see the movie to know what I’m on about – armed with the knowledge of how this story was explained in past incarnations of G.I. Joe.
As for Destro’s “mask†and how the terrorist organization Cobra play into all this? You’ll have to get off the fence and go see the movie.
